Here's To Now

I sho' haven't posted anything in a while.
Has my life finally been filled with the excitement I've been craving for?:D
Nope.
Yet so much has happened since I've blogged last. But what's it matter?
I've once again lost so much care in many things in life.
The question that haunts me once again being, what's the purpose in life, or of life??
When I start to think about this question, I think about the way people (such as myself) dress, and what importance that has. None. 
I also think about money, and purchases and investments, and how it gets people "places". 
Why must we live and die by the dollar? Why has it become so important? I simply cannot wrap my mind around this, and it drives me crazy. Mostly because I don't want to be controlled by an idol such as this, but it seems to have so much importance, as well as it's brother: time.
There just isn't enough of it. 
I had an odd thought the other day. I can't say that there isn't a person I know who doesn't own pairs and pairs of shoes. Yet there are people in this country as well as others who don't own any real shoes, and have to make flip-flops out of plastic bottles and whatever they can find. How is one supposed to feel about that? I wish I had a great influence on the world so that I can change situations in the world such as these. It's quite sad. 
Back to the question: what is the purpose of life- I sometimes find myself trying to figure out what is really important to me. Is it religion? Not anymore, I say with regrets. I feel like I've kind of become agnostic. 
I have never said that aloud. I grew up in an overly-Christian home, still a part of the family that has preachers and gospel-ly people, but that's just not the thing I devote my time to. 
Well, the things that do top my list of important things become: Music; art; people... animals and nature... education...
I really need to make better use of my time. THAT's my top priority. *Sigh* 
I have so much more to say, but I feel like I'm being really depressing. But who gives a damn?
...
I can't think of anything positive to say.
At least I know I am still loved.
Yay, me.


Au revoir, les amis.(:

A glimpse, a glance, a gander at the past.

I know I hate it when others change, 
But I've changed too-
I know it's true.
Looking through those old pictures:
I couldn't contain silent tears from running down. 
I know not exactly where this sorrow came from, 
I think I shall like to find it, 
Not to face it, but to hush it.
I feel scared that I'm losing myself, 
or am already lost. 
My past faces.
Was life better then?
I ALWAYS want to be somewhere else,
somebody else. 
When will I ever be perfectly content?
Surely not when I have everything, 
for, what is every concrete desire if it isn't shared??
A waste, I have come to learn, 
but blanket this in my mind.
Maybe if I rid of everything? 
Life is hard with what little I already have.
But I dream of living a transcendental life.
Dreaming constantly, makes my heart heavy.
I know I shouldn't torture myself by the pondering
and dwelling I do on dreams and desires,
But I lack the will to pursue. 
My mind tortures itself.


Smile on, lovers.

HEY YOU!

I've created a new blog- CONFESSIONS- located at vamconfessions.blogspot.com, so go chheckk it out, become a follower to be up to date with recent confessions, or just see what I've got to confess and leave a comment with your own confessions or opinions.


Thanks! 


Au revoir, les amis.(;

Ohh myy garshh

It sure has been a while.
Recap: My sisters finally got kicked out of the house, I thought it would make life easier for me, but I think it's gotten more difficult. Why? Because I'm THE ONLY ONE for my mum to bug and boss around. I simply cannot stand it. I can't stand her. But I haven't the slightest clue what to do about it.

I really want to quit working at Sonic, and try to get a job somewhere else. I don't like not being able to be better presented with a chance for working in customer service, because with Sonic, it's just too quick in my opinion. The customer's there, then they're gone. I dunno. I just feel like I'm not getting anywhere.

BUT I also need a car, badly.
I really hate how my mum tries to control even my spending now, so I have an electric guitar, BUT NO AMP!): She says "no more spending until you have one  thousand one dollars in the bank."
*Sighh

I'm wearing a really cute big ugly itchy sweater right now, I am totally loving this chilly weather.(;

Enough complaining for now,
Au revoir les amis.

Death By Chocolate?(;

Georgia and I made brownies at three- four o' clock in the morning, and the smell of them woke her parents up somehow.:O I mean, who wouldn't want to wake up to the smell of brownies? Those people, apparently. It was pretty fun.(: Except, the mix looked kinda.. weird? Yeah, weird.(X And they turned out pretty interesting- really chewey, almost like we put caramel or something in them.. I think it was because we used chocolate powder for making like, hot cocoa, instead of actual cocoa powder.. But they were actually really yummy!(:

Anyyywhooo, enough about our cooking experiences..(;

Yeesterday, after a little episode freakout of mine, I went driving with my mum. We went to Sonic, and picked up Morgie-pie and to my old neighborhood, in Bainbridge. Oh, Romeo was there too, and my mum screamed so loud when he peed on her.xD I could not stop laughing at that.c:

There is one thing about yesterday that is troubling me... But I'm not sure what to say about it. Yeah, it really sucks, but I guess I've got to learn to move on from things with my head held high.

I feel like I learned a lot about Georgia by talking to her yesterday/ today. It makes me glad that she trusts me.(: 

Maybe it's about time I made new, close friends?

P.S. I could go for a doughnut.xD

That's all for now,

Au revoir, les amis. Smile on, shine on.(:

MDSFIOHEWNOPDSOIJMAHU(FDFNJS{SD()U(EFOSFDGD&E!!! (PART 2)

Now, where did I leave off?(:
Anywhoodle, I've been hanging out with a friend of mine's little sister lately, who is pretty cool, but I didn't know she was like 4 years younger than me.:O But age doesn't matter, and she's a state too.(; Awesome sleepovers, I must say. Here's a montage of words to describe the awesomeness: toilet; cones; 1000 ways to die; fire ants; 'Homo & Tits'; eggs; signs; spoons; CHEESE!:D
Yeeee.
I get to go for my license next month.:O I'm anxious and nervous about it. I still need to practice parallel parking yet.:P I wonder what my first car will be..(:
Dreaming's nice.(:
I dream often.
Like the dream of mine of switching rooms with my sister, Victoria. I proposed the idea to my mum, with many facts on why it would be a beneficial move, but she said "I can't give you an answer this week."
What the ffff?
Bahhh, I dream to much.
Hey, I get paid on the seventh, which means I'll have almost a thousand dollars to hold onto. Realizing that makes me realize how quickly money can come and go. I want to spend it on things like, new glasses, equipment to create a little studio (in the room currently occupied by Victoria), a futon... Stuff like that.
Ohmygosh, I can hardly wait for tomorrow- Holly's taking me to Salvation Army.:D And apparently everything is half off on wednesdays, so I'm hopin' to get some good shoppin' done.(; We might also go to the mall, and who knows what else?(: I loooveeeee thrift stores, soooosososoo much, and Salvation Army is the beeeeeaassttt.:D

I better go so I don't waste too much time in front of the computer. 'Till then,

Au revoir, les amis.(:

MDSFIOHEWNOPDSOIJMAHU(FDFNJS{SD()U(EFOSFDGD&E!!!

AGNEIOANFIEMOIEOIJAFJJOIOEOEWJJAFNKDN!!! 

MMMRRRAAAAHHHHH!!! 

Okay, I can't recall what all I had wrote on my previous blog post, and I don't feel like checking, SO...

I went through withdraw from my meds around the beginning of july, but since then got a refill, so I'm doing much better. A lot better. On withdraw, I would always cry randomly, especially when I was home alone. It was terrible. I found out that if I take my meds later than I usually do (10 o'clock am) I act really loopy later in the day, like at work yesterday- now THAT was fun.(X 

What else... what else...

I bought the 'Lenses Delight' product from Amazon.com- aahhhmaziing!(: The tripod wasn't broken when I got it this time, yayy.;P The fisheye lens is my favorite, it's so legit. 

Shit, I've only got 15 minutes left on the computer.): I hate this! 

I  recently realized I'LL BE TURNING SEVENTEEN IN A COUPLE MONTHS!D:

Bahh!

I'll blog later. 'Till then,

Au revoir, les amis.(:

Oh Sheesh Ya'll!

I'm not even going to state the obvious heere.

Just got back from Delaware Friday. Not a big fan of the beach. Got a horrible watch tan... 

Last post I do believe I said I was saving up for a camera, and guess who has a camera? This chick!:D I also bought a tripod, but that piece of crap broke within a couple days./: I need to get a new tripod now.

I think I have a spending problem, but I'm getting that worked out.(: 

Know what else I have? Bitchy sisters, that's what. I'm anxious for them to move out, go bug someone else.:P 

My room's a complete wreck. I haven't slept in my bed since i got back, it's that bad.:P I do have off tomorrow, so hopefully I can get it cleaned! And hopefully I can get my nose pierced as soon as that's done!

Anywhoodle, today was a pretty good dayy. I rode my bike to work at 11:30ish, was on skates for eight hours, and rode my bike home. Theen I let my sister and her bf use my card to redbox some movies, got a shower, and hung out with some cool kids.(: Hilarious kids! I thought we were going to get beat up by some bitches that started yelling shit when Jesse threw a quarter across the road, and I saw Ryan Faustie while walking by Mojo.:D Fun funnn.(:

Au revoir, les amis?(:

Tuesday Off?

I haven't been able to blog much, any ideas why? Oh yes, work.
"You know, you work a lot. 'Cause every time I'm working you're here and every time I come you're still here working." Is what I was told yesterday by a co-worker. THANKS FOR THE UPDATE, NOT LIKE I DIDN'T ALREADY KNOW THAT.
*Siighhh. I do it for the money. 'Nuff said. And it's not as if I set my own hours, noooo. I was told that I'm closing up all the time 'cause I'm good at it. Yay?:P
"Geez Virginia, they need to pay you more." -is what I was told by another person. I WISH!
I'm saving up for a camera. Well, trying to, anyhow.(: I get paid on the seventh... So I should have that camera in maybe a month or two.:D
Good thing school's almost over. I'm getting sick of it. Well, all the classes EXCEPT for ceramics, and lunch.(X Those are my faaavvorrriitee.(:
Also, I need a haircut. BADLY.

Au revoir, les amis.(:

Dream on, smile on, live on.

A short post before work?

I finally learned that I'd rather dream.

And I really want to get a camera, like the nice ones at school. I'll have to ask Mrs. Hibberd where she got 'em. I really need it for my graduation project, but I also want it to take awesome pictures and maybe start vlogging or something on YouTube, that'd be great.(:

Looks like I gatta go,

Au revoir, les amis.(:

• Mrs

Tired as hell

Ain't that the truth. Tired of school, tired of working so much, tired of stupid asshole people, tired of people  that are unreliable too. Tired of it all.

I had to work about eight hours today. That wasn't as bad as my mum falling asleep and forgetting to take me home at 11:30. So my manager had to drive me home when he was all finished. I walked though the door and yelled at my mum, "thanks for picking me up!" I was quite upset.

At least I have off tomorrow. Wait, it's today.. Not sure what I'll be doing though. I should get to bed soonishly.

Au revoir les amis.(:

"You're not very talkative, like usual. You just don't seem happy."

I don't have much time to blog, so this'll have to be short.

I haven't been able to blog for a while because my keyboard was broke, which is a major bummer./:

The title comes from a text that someone sent to me recently.

I'm just really tired I guess, every inch of me. I want a break from work and school and any other crap. That'd be nice.

I had a bad night the night before last, so my mum let me sleep in wednesday morning, and I went to Sonic for lunch, it was a pretty good day.(:

Oh, and I got some of my stuff in the mail wednesday too!:D I got to wear my pretty white converse and "Talk nerdy to me" bracelet to school that day.:D I got two emails saying that i have sommoree stuff on it's way. Can't wait!:D

Well, I gatta go.

Au revoir, les amis.(:

Let's say it's a good week and leave it at that.

Looks like I've finally got time for blogging, so that's what I'll do, so be prepared for everything I remember most about this week:


MONDAY- On monday a good ole friend of mine texted me, asking to hang out 'cause he got off of work early and wanted to chill for a little, but I didn't get off until around 8:30, so the crazy kid waited for over half an hour for me to get off work. We walked around a bit, and he hid behind a car when I wasn't paying attention and intended to scare me. I didn't like that very much and when a dog was let out from a house not to far away, I freaked out and found Nate behind one of the parked cars and told him to be quiet, 'cause honestly, hiding that late at night would have seemed kind of suspicious to me. He hit his head on the car mirror- I laughed.(X When the dog and people finally went away, we continued walking and I stole his hat. When we were close to where he works and nearish my house, we hugged each other good bye. But it was a very long goodbye.(: I could have hugged him aalll night... But of course I didn't, we both had to be home by a certain time.


TUESDAY- Tuesday, I returned my friend's hat- or more so he just took it from me. Which is okay, 'cause it's so big that I look like a freaking elf in it.(X I went to the bank and opened up a checking account- heck yeahh.:D I get a magical card that I can purchase things with in about a week.:3 I also worked from five to nine this day.. I think this was the day my mum was really late picking me up. Yep. 


WEDNESDAY- Oh, lovely wednesday. I woke up on time for the first time! Then I missed my bus. ACTUALLY- I was almost at my bus stop when the new bus lady passed me. I was quite upset when this happened. Ya know what I did? I walked to school, which takes me about forty minutes. I was almost at school when my bus came by again, but this time with all the middle schoolers. She wanted me to get on, but I walked most of the way, so I was going to walk the rest. Frankly, I was pissed at her for passing me in the first place. I made it just in time get to first period.(: But I was freezing cold and my legs ached. I didn't even stand up to be polite to the people reciting the pledge. But exercise in the morning does wake a person up for the rest of the day, and that surely worked for me this day, so I was in a pretty good mood.(: 
In gym we took a little test on bowling and such, then did some archery. I must say, my skills aren't as bad as I thought they were. Aaannnnd this kid who likes me called me a jerk and asked for a hug. NO. He's not very nice to me, ssooooo.. Yeah.
Anywho, after school I simply had to walk home to stop by the library because I had a couple of overdue books. On the way I was picked up by none other than the amazing Zach and Nate.(: Quite much fun with those two, driving around, getting lost, spilling green tea everywhere.. Well, actually that last part was actually quite upsetting. Tea all in the back of Zach's car, and soaked through my backpack./: I need a new backpack. 


THURSDAY- Woke up this morning feeling reeealllyy sick. I shouldn't have gone to school today I suppose, but I don't very much like missing school. I don't like having to make up missed work. And I like seeing my friends.(: The school day went by very slowly today, not much exciting happened. Called off work 'cause I feel really, really sick today, which is probably from walking to school yesterday, so this is how I pay for it. 


I don't have school tomorrow, but I still gatta go to work at five. I wonder how my weekend's gonna go?(:


Au revoir, les amis.(:

Work, work, work. (Pub, Club, Sleep)

The title is the name of a song, and only have true in my case. I've just been working a lot, and getting lotsa tips, and have yet to open a checking account so I can buy some stuffs online, as I've been planning.(:


Uhh... I'm not sure what else of important matters I wanted to share, so I guess that's itt./:


Au revoir, les amis.(:

Oh sh*t!!

I have a story to tell you, of something actually interesting that recently happened. See, on thursday I was working, and it was like, the second time I was using my bank, which involves me dealing with money and what not. When it was time for me to cash out, I was short nearly fourty dollars, and my good pal Oksanna was over about the same ammount, so I was told by (I think he's a manager in training or something) Orlando. Well, everything seemed to be in order when I left. BUT. After I got home, right before I went to bed, I was taking my tip money out of my apron, when what do I find? Thirty-seven dollars, and coupon. I felt so scared and embarrased. I didn't know what was going to happen. "Would they fire me? No, it was an accident. Will I get reprimanded and yelled at?" was what was going through my head. I could NOT get to sleep that night, and I had off friday, and I would have gone into work and returned the money... but friday was my day off, I had plans and things to do!(: So, TODAY, I walk into work. I take off my coat in the back, and I walk up to Carrie. I told her the truth of what happened. And.... she wasn't mad in the slightest! In fact, the opposite! She and the other new manager (I forget her name) were actually really happy that I was honest about it!(: They thought that since it was reallyy busy on thursday, incorrect change was accidentally given to the customers. But no, all is well now.(: I was so relieved and felt so happy about the outcome. I would not, could not keep that money even if they told me to. 


Also, today I got a really bad, itchy, stinging, red rash on my arms at work. It hurt soooo bad.): I was told it was because of the sanitiser used for washing dishes, so I can't use that stuff.:P It was really bad and I was kinda scared because of it. I walked up to Carrie, and all I could do was show her my arm and say "Uhmm, Carrie? My arm.... really hurts." I think it kinda scared her too becuase well, she looked surprised or shocked or something. But, I think it's all good now.(:


So yeah Friday. Ohmygosh, speaking of friday, I heard this song that I found on the Smosh website, called Friday by Rebecca Black... Is it a joke? Or do people actually like that?? Is she related to Sarah Palen?? She sounds like it.:P I could write a much better song than that!! Lots of people could! Many people could make a better music video than that crappy thing! I HATE the way she says friday! It's like, all nasely. "Frieeeeday." :P and listen to this:  "Partyin', partyin'. *Yeah!* Partyin', partyin'. *Yeah!* Fun, fun, fun, fun, lookin' forward to the weekend. Yesterday was thursday, thursday. Today is friday, friday. We we we so excited. We so excited, we gonna have a ball today. Tomorrow is saterday, and sunday comes afterwards. I don't want this weekend to end!" 
Well I do! So you can shut up and stop stating the obvious! And so I don't have to hear that annoying voice and stupid grammer! "We so excited" ????? What the F**K. Really. 


I really got sidetraked, didn't I?:P Back to MY friday.(: I hung out with Ryan Faustie after school, I had fun.(: We went to the mall, and within like, 10 minutes of being there I already got what I wanted. Which was this men's body wash that smells like pine. I love it so much.(: Ry and I roamed around the mall a bit, went in F.Y.E. and H&M, where I got a grey, yellow, and peach colored hoodie.(: We also got some chinese food, and Ry went on about how Asians were so great 'cause they're so hardworking, smart, and make good food.:P We also went to the Salvation Army, saw some interesting things there, saw some cool things there, saw some weird things there, and I got some really cute shoes for seven bucks.:D I was quite happy.(: Ry and I went back to my place to play a little music for each other, then he had to leave to "plan a secretive event" or something.:P 


Well, I'm cold, still wearing my work uniform, and it's one o'clock.


Au revoir, les amis.(:

Tired & Sick

I'm really tired. And kinda sick still. It 's a major bummer. I've been to tired to even blog lately, and that's pretty tired! I could hardly stay awake in 4th period. Actually, I fell asleep like, 3 times that class, I think. It wasn't just your regular "I'm tired", it was: "If I durn't sleep Ill'm ganna pass..." Out- pass out. I was THAT freaking tired! Ugh.

I forget what else I wanted to share.... I should just go to bed now.:P

Au revoir les amis.(:

New happenings?

Crazy shit. To bad I can't really talk about it for a couple reasons. The main reason is because I don't want to risk myself getting into some kind of trouble, so I'll stay on the safe side and just say crazy shit has been going on. Yup.


My dearest friend who I've known pretty much all my life, invited me to her baby shower. Yeah, I know she lives in Maryland, but like I said, I've known her alllll myyyy lifffeeee, so she's like an awesome sister to me. But, we don't fight, which is why she isn't like a real sister to me, and she's nice and really awesome,  compared to the sisters I actually have.:P (Still love you shitloads, VRon!) But see, my  mum won't let me go./: Which really upsets me, 'cause I really miss the little lady.): She's goin' git her licensee on.. Tuesday, I believe. She IS.(: Then she'll drive her butt up to P of freaking A and visit me. Maybe rescue me, if capable. Can't wait.(:


Work has been kinda busy. No, that's a lie. During the week it isn't really busy at work, but it keeps me busy. I love going in there and getting all cheered up after I've been in a bad mood because of shit at home.(: The other day somehow my manager Jim knew I was upset. How? I have no freaking clue. But he did his best to try to cheer me up, being all goofy. That silly old man.:D It worked.(:


I had off today, and I made plans to hang out with a friend; go to the library; go to some organic shop down the road from where I live; do homework; wash clothes.... and I think that was all... But my friend had to cancel; I did get to go to the library, but I finished one of the books I checked out right after I renewed it.:P ; I didn't get to go to the organic shop; I haven't started on my buttload of homework yet; and I still need to wash my clothes. *sigh* I DID take a nap for a couple hours. Yay?:P No, waste of my day./: And I'm still tired. It took me a lot of energy to get up off of the couch.:P


I'm facebook instant messaging two people. One of which I have never actually met and haven't talked to in a whiiiileee, and the other who: I've made the assumption that, well, I said to him:

I saw your status, and I got excited that you were online, and I wasn't sure why, then I realized you're like one of the onlyy people that has never upset me. My close friends have let me down, and you never had any reason to./: True story.(:


Oh, random question from my OTHER sister (the one whom I dislike, yes?)

Tor- "Why won't you accept my friend request?"
Me- "I'm busy,"
Tor- "No, why won't you accept it,"
Me- (short pause) "because I don't like you."
Tor- (talks quietly, almost to only herself) "Yeah whatever. You like me."


I wanted to get all up in her face and go, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, I DON'T like you." I don't see why she doesn't understand that.:P


I just chuckled to myself.(:


I better get busy with homework and stuff soon, before this day is ooooverrrr!


Au revoir, les amis.:D

Working, eleven thirty to two thirty

I walked to work, I worked, I walked home. 

My feet really HURT!

Today wasn't so eventful, except the crazy lunch rush at work, oohhhh mahhh gawshhh! 

Crazy crazy, indeed.

I recovered some tunes onto my iPod, The Rakes. 

Hell yeah, I missed listening to that shit.(: 

I'm in that mood, ya know, the one where you miss your friends, especially the ones you haven't seen in a while and have had awesome adventures with? Yeah, I'm due for an adventure with some friends soon, I can almost feel it. I need it. 

I want to go on a trip. 

A spontaneous trip. To a friendly place I don't know. 

Leave all my worries to rot themselves and start fresh.

I'll tackle the new worries with a can-do attitude before things even have a chance to fall apart. 

I want a chance to be completely care free. 

No worries. I want my self consciousness to evaporate in the sun.

But I don't want to be alone.

I want to laugh at silly simple things.

Yes, I want to go on a trip.

Au revoir, les amis.(:

Working, five to nine.

I completely forgot today was a half day of school until my sister told me this very morning, and that's one sweet deal, if I may say so myself.(: So a shortened school day, then a nap, then frustration about getting my work clothes and being at work on time. My mum was going to take me, but she had to go to her job, and left without me.:P I thought I was going to have to walk to work and be late, but my sisters sweet boyfriend was kind enough to drive me, so I made it on time.(: I'm liking work, it keeps my mind off crap that bothers me, so working makes me happy.(: 


...At least it does now, I bet I'm going to hate having to go to work sometime in the future, we'll see if and when that happens. 


Well I've gatta go,


Au revoir, les amis!:D

This is an immensely long title that serves no purpose for this particular blog post; I was trying to think of a creative title, but I didn't know what else to write... 'Sides, I like to see these words look so awesome as they rest on top of my blog post.:D

I couldn't believe the irony of it- I had lost my phone while in the process of cleaning my messy room! And my phone likes to turn off all the time to really bother me. I don't mind it as much when I'm not using my phone. It bothers me a little more when it turns off while I'm texting. But nothing is more inconvenient than my phone turning itself off when it's misplaced!! I was sure that I left it on my bed, so I checked through the sheets thrice times. I thought it might have been with my shirts, but when I checked my shirt drawer, it wasn't in there either./: 


My emotions went in this order:


Sadness-  "My phone, it's... gone!"
Anger-  "Shit, I lost my phone..."
Worry-  "What am I going to do without my phone?!"
Disbelief-  "I can't believe I lost my phone!"


I thought about calling a psychic... but ya know, I lost my phone.:P 


So when I returned home after work, I tried using my mom's phone to call mine, thinking that my phone would have done a good deed for me and magically turned itself on. I tried without luck.): 


I checked my first drawer thoroughly. Not there. I checked my second drawer thoroughly. Not there either. I checked my third drawer thoroughly. "Freaking freak!" I found it! I found it! I found my phone! :D And as I assumed, there were several messages awaiting for me.(: 


True story.


Au revoir, les amis!(: 
Have a wonderful day!:D