Friday, April 6, 2012

Here's To Now

I sho' haven't posted anything in a while.
Has my life finally been filled with the excitement I've been craving for?:D
Yet so much has happened since I've blogged last. But what's it matter?
I've once again lost so much care in many things in life.
The question that haunts me once again being, what's the purpose in life, or of life??
When I start to think about this question, I think about the way people (such as myself) dress, and what importance that has. None. 
I also think about money, and purchases and investments, and how it gets people "places". 
Why must we live and die by the dollar? Why has it become so important? I simply cannot wrap my mind around this, and it drives me crazy. Mostly because I don't want to be controlled by an idol such as this, but it seems to have so much importance, as well as it's brother: time.
There just isn't enough of it. 
I had an odd thought the other day. I can't say that there isn't a person I know who doesn't own pairs and pairs of shoes. Yet there are people in this country as well as others who don't own any real shoes, and have to make flip-flops out of plastic bottles and whatever they can find. How is one supposed to feel about that? I wish I had a great influence on the world so that I can change situations in the world such as these. It's quite sad. 
Back to the question: what is the purpose of life- I sometimes find myself trying to figure out what is really important to me. Is it religion? Not anymore, I say with regrets. I feel like I've kind of become agnostic. 
I have never said that aloud. I grew up in an overly-Christian home, still a part of the family that has preachers and gospel-ly people, but that's just not the thing I devote my time to. 
Well, the things that do top my list of important things become: Music; art; people... animals and nature... education...
I really need to make better use of my time. THAT's my top priority. *Sigh* 
I have so much more to say, but I feel like I'm being really depressing. But who gives a damn?
I can't think of anything positive to say.
At least I know I am still loved.
Yay, me.

Au revoir, les amis.(:

Saturday, October 1, 2011

A glimpse, a glance, a gander at the past.

I know I hate it when others change, 
But I've changed too-
I know it's true.
Looking through those old pictures:
I couldn't contain silent tears from running down. 
I know not exactly where this sorrow came from, 
I think I shall like to find it, 
Not to face it, but to hush it.
I feel scared that I'm losing myself, 
or am already lost. 
My past faces.
Was life better then?
I ALWAYS want to be somewhere else,
somebody else. 
When will I ever be perfectly content?
Surely not when I have everything, 
for, what is every concrete desire if it isn't shared??
A waste, I have come to learn, 
but blanket this in my mind.
Maybe if I rid of everything? 
Life is hard with what little I already have.
But I dream of living a transcendental life.
Dreaming constantly, makes my heart heavy.
I know I shouldn't torture myself by the pondering
and dwelling I do on dreams and desires,
But I lack the will to pursue. 
My mind tortures itself.

Smile on, lovers.

Sunday, September 25, 2011


I've created a new blog- CONFESSIONS- located at, so go chheckk it out, become a follower to be up to date with recent confessions, or just see what I've got to confess and leave a comment with your own confessions or opinions.


Au revoir, les amis.(;

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Ohh myy garshh

It sure has been a while.
Recap: My sisters finally got kicked out of the house, I thought it would make life easier for me, but I think it's gotten more difficult. Why? Because I'm THE ONLY ONE for my mum to bug and boss around. I simply cannot stand it. I can't stand her. But I haven't the slightest clue what to do about it.

I really want to quit working at Sonic, and try to get a job somewhere else. I don't like not being able to be better presented with a chance for working in customer service, because with Sonic, it's just too quick in my opinion. The customer's there, then they're gone. I dunno. I just feel like I'm not getting anywhere.

BUT I also need a car, badly.
I really hate how my mum tries to control even my spending now, so I have an electric guitar, BUT NO AMP!): She says "no more spending until you have one  thousand one dollars in the bank."

I'm wearing a really cute big ugly itchy sweater right now, I am totally loving this chilly weather.(;

Enough complaining for now,
Au revoir les amis.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Death By Chocolate?(;

Georgia and I made brownies at three- four o' clock in the morning, and the smell of them woke her parents up somehow.:O I mean, who wouldn't want to wake up to the smell of brownies? Those people, apparently. It was pretty fun.(: Except, the mix looked kinda.. weird? Yeah, weird.(X And they turned out pretty interesting- really chewey, almost like we put caramel or something in them.. I think it was because we used chocolate powder for making like, hot cocoa, instead of actual cocoa powder.. But they were actually really yummy!(:

Anyyywhooo, enough about our cooking experiences..(;

Yeesterday, after a little episode freakout of mine, I went driving with my mum. We went to Sonic, and picked up Morgie-pie and to my old neighborhood, in Bainbridge. Oh, Romeo was there too, and my mum screamed so loud when he peed on her.xD I could not stop laughing at that.c:

There is one thing about yesterday that is troubling me... But I'm not sure what to say about it. Yeah, it really sucks, but I guess I've got to learn to move on from things with my head held high.

I feel like I learned a lot about Georgia by talking to her yesterday/ today. It makes me glad that she trusts me.(: 
Maybe it's about time I made new, close friends?

P.S. I could go for a doughnut.xD

That's all for now,

Au revoir, les amis. Smile on, shine on.(:

Tuesday, August 2, 2011


Now, where did I leave off?(:
Anywhoodle, I've been hanging out with a friend of mine's little sister lately, who is pretty cool, but I didn't know she was like 4 years younger than me.:O But age doesn't matter, and she's a state too.(; Awesome sleepovers, I must say. Here's a montage of words to describe the awesomeness: toilet; cones; 1000 ways to die; fire ants; 'Homo & Tits'; eggs; signs; spoons; CHEESE!:D
I get to go for my license next month.:O I'm anxious and nervous about it. I still need to practice parallel parking yet.:P I wonder what my first car will be..(:
Dreaming's nice.(:
I dream often.
Like the dream of mine of switching rooms with my sister, Victoria. I proposed the idea to my mum, with many facts on why it would be a beneficial move, but she said "I can't give you an answer this week."
What the ffff?
Bahhh, I dream to much.
Hey, I get paid on the seventh, which means I'll have almost a thousand dollars to hold onto. Realizing that makes me realize how quickly money can come and go. I want to spend it on things like, new glasses, equipment to create a little studio (in the room currently occupied by Victoria), a futon... Stuff like that.
Ohmygosh, I can hardly wait for tomorrow- Holly's taking me to Salvation Army.:D And apparently everything is half off on wednesdays, so I'm hopin' to get some good shoppin' done.(; We might also go to the mall, and who knows what else?(: I loooveeeee thrift stores, soooosososoo much, and Salvation Army is the beeeeeaassttt.:D

I better go so I don't waste too much time in front of the computer. 'Till then,

Au revoir, les amis.(:

Monday, August 1, 2011


Okay, I can't recall what all I had wrote on my previous blog post, and I don't feel like checking, SO...
I went through withdraw from my meds around the beginning of july, but since then got a refill, so I'm doing much better. A lot better. On withdraw, I would always cry randomly, especially when I was home alone. It was terrible. I found out that if I take my meds later than I usually do (10 o'clock am) I act really loopy later in the day, like at work yesterday- now THAT was fun.(X 
What else... what else...
I bought the 'Lenses Delight' product from aahhhmaziing!(: The tripod wasn't broken when I got it this time, yayy.;P The fisheye lens is my favorite, it's so legit. 
Shit, I've only got 15 minutes left on the computer.): I hate this! 

I'll blog later. 'Till then,

Au revoir, les amis.(: