Ohhh, sicknesss...

*Cough cough cough cough* ...."I'd feel better dead."
I think I may have the flu. I missed school today, and probably will tomorrow too, which sucks because that means I'm missing some tests and assignments.): I hope I will at least be able to see the Christmas Talent Show at school on thursday.(: If I don't (even though I hear it's supposed to suck) I'm going to be quite upset if my Christmas vacation starts without me being able to wish many friends Merry Christmas, and all./: That would be a sad story. 


AND I DO HOPE I WILL FINALLY BE ABLE TO WATCH A CLOCKWORK ORANGE WITH RYAN AND MORGAN OVER THE CHRISTMAS BREAK!(: I'm in need of a crazy night with them folks.(;


Despite my sickness, I have been able to have some laughs with my sisters and mother, which is a thing I greatly enjoy, heheh.:D


While home today I've mostly just been sleeping, watching TV, texting and sewing. 


Sewing what, you ask?(:


 Just an awesome military-style jacket.(: My sister asked if I wanted to go into fashion designer when Igrow older, which I hadn't really thought about, but that's a good idea.(:


*Cough cough cough cough*
It'd be really nice to breathe, dear lungs.:P


Au revoir, les amis.(:

A blog as scrambled as my thoughts...

I'm not sure what I'd say if someone asked, "how've ya been?" ..Maybe I'd just say nothing at all. 

Yesterday I so beautifully wrote on my right arm, "I DREAM" on my right hand, "in COLOR," and plainly wrote on my left arm, "I SEE" on my left hand "in BLACK and WHITE" It surely isn't meant to be taken literally. 

I've been often sketching things in my little drawing book, very well in my opinion anyways... Maybe the reason I draw during class is that in hopes someone will notice, and comment, and maybe ask why what's what on the page.

My hair has kind of been bothering me, I want to get it trimmed.

"Santa" (mom) told me all she can afford this year for Christmas is some things from Fashion Bug and Victorias Secret because she only has charge cards for those two places, and no money. I don't want anything at all than if I can't get even the simplest wants. 

I wrote two facebook notes recently because I've been tagged in them and I want people to know more about me, being that most people know me for hardly talking. Technology is like another voice for me.

I laughed most today in Literature class. We did these skits about prejudices or something, but they were quite humorous.(:

The person that sits right next to me in Word hasn't been talking to much. Now that I said it 'out loud' I think I'll be able to get over it.

Another good friend of mine today instant messaged me saying I looked depressed today. That kid's nice, and pretty cool, I like 'im.(:

I failed my permit test twice already, going to try again tomorrow.

I've realized I'll need a job in some type of retail, and luck hasn't found me yet./:

Gatta go, blog to ya laterr. 

You really do learn something new everyday

What did I learn? I learned I can NOT think straight when I'm angry or upset. And when I'm alone or simply happy I can think better and with more reason.(: My anger sparked this morning when my mom took my phone away and told me to stay off the computer, and only grew into a fire thinking about all the things that add up and make me want to rush to get a job so I can move out of this place sooner. 
Today I've spent a lot of time on my phone when I got it back, trying to delete old texts. Right now my inbox has 227 received and 100 sent, so I still have a lot to get rid of.:P
On another note, I wish I was more blunt.


Au revoir, les amis.(;

Pondering the Decisions..

So much on my mind. So much not going right... 
Here's part of what's up: my mum was talking to some company on the phone about bills last night, afraid about losing the house, trying to make partial payments on bills, and trying to figure out which bills NOT to pay. I've seen the overdue notices lying around, she hasn't been over reacting about this one. In fact, she seems less worried about it than me. Almost $2,000 behind on bills, and there's not much I can do to help, I'm still looking for a job, but still getting nowhere at this point. I previously asked if I could help improve her horrible organization and spending habits, but she refused. Mum told me she's going to cancel the landline, yet she's still talking on it, same with one of my sisters. The mum and I had a little argument about the whole sitch, which obviously did less than help. One question that lingers in my mind is: "What's Christmas going to be like this year?" A bike, I just wanted a bike, that's it. I might as well forget that. I hate it when she spends money on things nobody in this house wants or needs, and concerning Christmas, I'd much rather have one thing I want rather than a bunch of things I don't want. We'll see how it turns out when the time comes. But still, I just want a bike and a job right now. Simply, I'd love to get rid of all the shit we don't need around here, and keep and get things that are actually important, BUT I'M NOT THE HEAD OF THIS HOUSE. I sure as hell would love to be, things would look very different if things were ran my way... I'm impatient to leave this place.


The decision on my mind concerns my veganism. I haven't eaten meat in.... 8 months now? I know it probably isn't a big deal to most others, but it is to me being that I've felt very strongly about it. Now, the problem is, I'm intaking to many carbs and not enough protein, mostly because non-animal protein products are to expensive (and I still don't have a job, so I'm not the one buying groceries.) My sis has started eating meats again, and she's lost weight and is looking good, I'm proud of her.(: But I'm going the opposite way./: I taught myself to find meat repulsive, (Ick, meat:P) so I don't know how I'll do... And I surely don't want people to ridicule my decision, but it's my decision... What to do? What to do?


Au revoir, les amis.(:

Do something different.

I feel like I've been thrown out of a loop, but I can still be okay on my own.(: I love my friends dearly, and miss some of them, so we'll need to hang out, including the friends I haven't hung out with yet.(; I am STILL IN SEARCH of a job, but there's been no luck with that yet./: I'm impatient, I know. 


I've been "enjoying the little things" like Ryan told me, and the only thing I don't like about that is telling a person something like, me being so excited because I staked all my textbooks on the ground so I could stand on top of them to get a book out of the top part of my locker because I'm to short to reach it.(X Ohh welll.(:


I even got a new email address, and I guess I'm happy about that too.(: OH, and I got to manually organize and re-download all 257 songs onto my iPod, although there were a few minor mess-ups.. But I'm still proud.(:


Au revoir, les amis.(:

Ahhh, I love us.(:

Finally was able to hang out at mojo with Ry, Vron, Morg, and I all together. I love those people.(: I think I'd be able to go through life with just the three of them as the closest people to me, and I'd have everything I need to be perfectly happy and content, no lies.(: If only we could hang out and actually have adventures more often, that would make me the happiest person everrr.(: 

Morgan did get to sleep over last night, and we made  a silly video, edited it, and stayed up late. I had fun, I love my wife lots.(:

Sure it's a short blog, but that's all I feel like saying right now.

Au revoir, les amis.(:

Hold on to your kite, just don't let me down

I really haven't been writing in my blog as often as I'd like to- that's the truth. But I'm trying, that's that's the truth too.(: 


Recently I've been listening to podcasts on my new iPod. I love to listen to the HowStuffWorks podcast because they discuss interesting topics from "Why do people blush?" to "How sleepwalking works". The other podcast I listen to once daily is the "Learn to Meditate", which is really amazing and I learn so much from it.. I'll most likely write more on that another time.(:


I can NOT wait to get my melodica!:D I ordered it tuesday, so it should be here in FIVE MORE DAYS! And I'm impatient. But really excited, as you can see.(:


Another thing I am STILL waiting to get is a job.:P I've been filling out and handing in applications, but STILL nowhere I look is hiring./: So I'll just have to enjoy being jobless in the meantime. 


I wonder what I'll be doing this weekend, hopefully something fun and/or constructive.(: But right now it's raining.): And I hate dreary days such as these./: Hopefully I still have a good day regardless.


I feel like I have a very sound mind (today at least) despite the despairing things that have been on my  mind which I've been trying to suppress. I've also been talking and listening to people and things which help lots.(: Friends always help.(:


Well, until next time, 
Tot ziens voor nu.(:

Officially Sixteen (as of thursday)

Sooo, guess what? 

I'm officially sixteen now, yepp. 

Spirit week last week at school was pretty cool, seeing everyone dress really crazy, the halls all decorated and what not.(: I honestly think the juniors should have won the for being the loudest at the pep rally on friday, but whatever. My birthday party was later that day, and it was fun.(: We went trick-or-treating around town in the cold, even though I wasn't cold and dressed up as a scarecrow. There WAS going to be a fire, but it was simply to windy for that.:P A couple of us went on the trampoline and signed my wall. I just love my friends.(: 

In addition to money, this neat art thing and birthday cards, I also got an iPod, so I'm downloading some music onto it.(: If only it wasn't so expensive, I'd be able to listen to a lot more...But oh well. After thinking it over, maybe I should have asked for a new guitar instead? To late, anyways. I do hope to purchase a melodica soonishly, but since there wasn't any at the Guitar Center, I'll have to have my mom order it for me online. I wonder how long that'll take?:P 

I'm not quite sure what I want in life, like my goals and stuff, but two things I do know I need to work to is getting a permit and a job. And I also know I want to write more music (I haven't been doing that much lately) and do more art.(:

Well, bye-bye for now, friends.(:

"Man this is good soymilk."

Life does treat me right sometimes.(: 

My weekend went kind of... really... AWESOME, right?:D 

On friday I went home on the bus with Star, and on her bus I saw lovely Tanner and Jess. (Mental Note: I need to hang out with Jess sometime soonishly) Her two little sisters had some friends over too, and when we all later went to the pizza shop, they were acting very rowdy and obnoctious. I still don't really like kids.:P But when they weren't being anoying, they were very silly and fun to be around.(:

We also went to the tennis court, and I think I'm actually not that bad.(; Except I left my keys there that night, and as soon as Stars mom dropped me off at home, I realized, then we had to go back and get them of course. I felt bad because they were running late meeting someone at the mall to begin with./: 

Fortunately all went well, and shorty after I got home, my longlostfriendwhomovedtoMaryland came over and we hung out at my house for a while. I suggested we go to Mojo because I hate being stuck in the house. We walked there together and when her dad came to pick her up they suggested that I slept over.(: I'm soooo glad I got to, Ali and her dad are so funny and so much fun.:D We went to Gus's (they have terrible fries there, by the way) and then to Giant for a Redbox movie and some food for me, being that they didn't have many vegan choises at their house. That night Ali and I watched The Lost Tribe. It was really fake, and I laughed through most of it, even though it was a horror movie. I guess I just thought it was funny.(; 

I quoted myself in the title, which I said as I was eating cereal, it was stupid how long we laughed at that.(X It was probably one of those "you had to be there" moments to understand the humor of it.(: Ali called me a nerd because I was upset that the movie didn't educate you more about the missing link that was eating people in The Lost Tribe. I guess she's right.(: Since she was quite tired, she fell asleep while watched Catch Me If You Can, a really good movie in my opinion.(: 

This morning we went to Mojo for breakfast/lunch, they make fun of me for having fries.:P 

I don't think I left to much out about my awesome weekend, but if I remember to add something else, I will.(;

On another matter, I CAN NOT WAIT FOR MY BIRTHDAY!:D But I guess I'll have to(;

Byebye for now, friends.(:

Soy Un Perdedor

I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me? -Loser by Beck


It has been a while since I've typed in my blog last. I can't exactly sum up everything that I'd like to simply, but, as usual, it's just a mix of things.
I'm happy and excited that my birthday is coming up, but still unhappy that I'm still stuck here. Maybe I'll actually get a job and veer away from this house and onto the path that I want to be on, the one I so recently told my mother partially about and all she said was, "You've got it all figured out, and I know you feel trapped." Blahhh:P


Another good thing is the book I'm reading, How I Live Now, and it makes me want to go to England all the more because that's where the setting is. Why do I want to go to England in the first place? I'll save that for another time. But of course I can't go there, money among a few other things is an issue. And maybe my life plan for the near-ish future isn't ideal, but it is to me.(:


Another bad thing is school.:P My grades that aren't so hot in a few classes, the homework that I procrastinate to do, the stupid teachers, me actually not learning anything... Stuff like that. But I very much do like seeing my friends and a couple of the classes can be good. I just have to learn to endure it all.(: 


Another good thing is that I get to sleep over at my friend Stars house tomorrow AND I do believe I am going to see my long-lost-bestest-sister, Alison, over the weekend.:D Fingers crossed that EVERYTHING goes swimmingly.(: 


I've been in weird happy moods, and that's good too.(; 


Au revoir, les amis.(:

Today seems like the perfect day, to get carried away.

I think life really likes to fuck with me. Things were going horribly for a while, then very recently really terrific, and now kind of bad again. Probably mostly because of stress because of school work and other things. 

Well, at least he told me the truth of how he felt, because I was getting rather upset because I thought he lost those "mad big feelings" he said he had for me. What a lost cause.../:

Fortunately, I got a new backpack, which means I can walk home from school again now, because my other backpack wasn't really a backpack, it was actually a really nice laptop bag, and it hurt my back. I was able to go to the library finally where I checked out five books that I plan to read and get this- I hadn't used my library card in so long that it expired and the huge fine I was afraid to pay, was gone.:D 

And due to an ice cream disaster the other day, (monday, I believe) I have made up my mind to go vegan, even though I was going to wait until I got a job so I'd be able to purchase my own groceries and actually eat.:P It's quite difficult. But I'm trying to be strong.(:

Despite the discouragements going on, I'm going to try to wake up each morning and demand that it be a good day, and maybe when I wake and say for myself to have a good day, that's how it'll turn out.(:

Until next time, adios!(:

I'm Wearing A Smile(:

I'm feeling pretty  happy right now, having read 2 related great blogposts by 'aliciasaywhatnow?', eating Nutella on wheat bread, had a fun night last night with Morg, making fun of google translator and reading bedtime stories and what not(:


Yep, so besides my headache and the things that I'm just ignoring right now, I am pretty chipper(:


When I woke up this morning the whole world looked brighter, and it was wonderful(: 


So without going into detail about everything or anything right now, I'll end this post on a happy note(:


-Smile on-

Waking Up This Morning...

This morning I woke up, fell asleep again, woke up and fell asleep again, woke up, layed back, rested my eyes, opened my eyes, got up, and told myself not to be a sullen wimp at school. It kind of worked, with the help of trying to keep my head filled with happy thoughts, and seeing good friends- friends usually help to brighten my day.(: 


I'll keep this post short becuase I feel that I've been complaining a lot the last couple posts, and I just need to keep smiling on.(:


Au revior, les amis(:

I am going to make it through this year if it kills me

I feel like there's a larger problem that's bothering me that I'm not completely aware of. Like something I can't see because it lurks in the shadows in the back of my mind. I'm not completely aware, but it's there. 
Maybe it's that I lack something I yearn for- control that has beed ripped from my grasp. Control over things both minor and large that subcategorize under my control over life in general. I feel like most of the control I need and want has been taken over by other people, like my mother for instance, and being the independent person that I am, not having it is very frustrating for me. 


Relating to control, one of the main reasons I really became a vegetarian was for control- over what I eat, or don't eat. Yet I can't completely be in charge of that being that I can't buy the groceries because I don't yet have a job. But I'm looking, and trying, there's no doubt of that. When I do, maybe then I can even go vegan, for further control, and stuff(: 


Right now I really miss my friends and people at school. /: I wish things would simply work out better and work out right. I'm much happier around and with good friends compared to being at home. 
So much shit here that I want to escape from. Many things still going on left unsaid. Much to deal with. I'll try to deal with it, I'll try to be strong(: I'll try to keep doing what makes me happiest(: I'll make it to "My Own World" someday, someday...


Adiós para ahora, amigos(: 

I Was Born A Unicorn(:

I'm not really a unicorn(; That's just the name of a song by The Unicorns (of course) that's stuck in my head. I was singing it today when I was with my grandmother and aunt and they thought me odd(; Oh well.

Maybe I'm a little crazy, but that's okay, some of the best artists, writers and people were(:

This morning I woke up quite early, even though I went to bed some time after 12. Probably because I fell asleep for ten hours after coming home friday after not sleeping at all the night before(X

I went with the family to work to be picked up by my grandmother early today (no way I want to work at the same place as all of them) I heard my mom talking to this guy, "don't ever have kids," he said he had two boys and my mom replied, "oh, lucky youu." 

I was standing right there. Ouch. Not like I asked for her to give birth to me:P

Veronica told me our mother says stuff like that at work every day/: 

I went to my g-ma's church to check out the yard sale going on there, then stopped at her house, then to a place called the Hobby Lobby that my aunt wanted to check outt. It was a pretty cool craft store, I got some dominoes I plan to make a neat-o speed-o bracelet with; a nice sized little red journal; AND this like, silk screen paint in a can:D I can't wait to make awesome stuff with that(((: We also went to a small place like Saturday's market and a consignment store, which both had nice stuff, but I didn't have any extra money left over/:

I also had an interesting experience at the Burger King that was nearby. I ordered a veggie burger and my aunt and g-ma did the same, which was cool(: But there was only like, three people working there, (one of which was a rather bitchy girl- I'm sorry but it's truee) and so the line was long and slow going, and the guy behind us told us he worked there but had off today and the girl working was never in a good mood. I kinda felt bad for the guy that works there/: The girl messed up his order and got pissed, and even another guy's order who was in the drive through and came in to get the order straight. It was quite a sight(X

So yeah, until I got home, I had a good day with my grandmother and aunt(:

But now I'm home/: And I don't want to be/: And I'm grounded for a week from going out for a bit on thursday, can't go anywhere, and mum took away my phone/: And I wish it was Sunday so I could go to school tomorrow and see my friends(: Oh well, I'll try to endure tomorrow and actually do something productive(:

Tot ziens voor nu(:

I'm going to lose it- if I haven't already(:

-----------------------------------
Hyperventilation: Define it for me.
For over an hour, it really scared myself.
I cant talk to my mum about my problems,
besides the fact that they're 
mostly caused by her,
she wouldn't understand anyways.
Now because I was
breathing quickly, and heavily and trying to try not to cry late last night, 
she thinks I'm crazy.
She said I was just overworked.
She doesn't understand,
she simply doesn't know.
I think the episode I had last night will only makes things worse,
she'll be more strict and secure,
which she doesn't understand was already
part of my problems.
She doesn't take me and
my personal opinions ever into account.
She doesn't trust me. Thought I was going to run away last night.
(but of course I wasn't, I wouldn't leave with lose ends, unprepared, 
and she doesn't ever give me enough credit for being a rather canny person with good knowledge and reasoning for things) 
I'm not sure how to deal with all my own problems, 
or tell others of them 
or ask for help. 
So my best solution is usually trying to ignore and avoid them,
and let time resolve things.
I remember thinking
as I was on those swings last night,
all I wanted
all I want
is to be happy.
-------------------------------
So smile on, love on, live on(:


I'll have to constantly remind myself why I say smile on,
I'm going to need that(:


Au revoir, les amis(:

Oh Night...

I just recently finished my homework, due to the unfortunate event that all my work that I had saved onto a thumb drive got deleted, I had to retype my whole persuasive essay for literature AND find and cite all the websites again. I can not believe I cried over it, but it took me a lot of work and dedication, and it just disappeared! I also had to complete another essay in addition to answering questions about the book, They Poured Fire on Us From the Sky, and current event article for history class. I even organized my messy binder up a bit.


I'm to afraid to go to sleep now in case I wont be able to wake up, despite how tired I am, but I'm also afraid that I'll fall asleep at school, but I won't be surprised when I do/: The hours I lacked in sleep for tonight I made up for in coffee. Many, many cups of coffee.. 


I was quite frustrated with all the work that I had to do, so Veronica and I went for a brief drive with Ryan, but we had to return home really soon because our mother was saying we were disobeying or something. I don't know, I was just very overwhelmed by everything horrible that was accumulating together and needed a short escape from it for a while. But after complaining to my mom that she was to cheap to buy me a good hard drive that wouldn't spaz out and delete it's contents, I left and she called her sister and her sister's boyfriend, who both tried to call me to try to help fix it. I told my mum it wouldn't work and at that point I didn't really care, that's when I just gave up for a while. Well one of them must have called the house, and my other sister, unfaithful Victoria must have told them that I was not home. Then my mother was notified of this (because she wasn't aware at first) and called me once again, telling me to get my ass home immediately and said that I wouldn't be aloud leaving the house to go anywhere for a week. Are you kidding me??? All I want to do is leave this dreadful house and dreadful you, mother. If she decides to take what little freedom she gives me to begin with, or my phone, or my computer usage, or a combination of those, I'll crack and I'm not yet sure exactly what I'd do... 


I feel like I'm forgetting to mention something else... And I probably am, but can't and won't be able to think correctly for a while due to my shortage of sleep and excessive consumption of coffee(X


My oh my, it's past 4:30 in the morning, I'm listening and singing to some of The Mountain Goats' songs, like Woke Up New, and This Year- two really great songs in my opinion(: 


"I am going to make it through this year if it kills me." I'm most likely going to put that as my facebook status for this morning... 


I wonder what the ensuing hours are going to hold, and hopefully they won't be terribly bad. I think I need more coffee now before I grow too tired, and I guess I should get a shower before school... which is in about three hours from now/: Unless school gets canceled due to the weather, that'd be really nice(: Pretty much whatever happens, I'll most likely write of it later today if I get the chance. 


Au revoir, les amis,
and wish me luck(:

What I've left unsaid...

The other night I was texting/ venting a friend. I hardly ever talk about things that bother me deeply, but it really helps organize things and put them in perspective. So, here goes..


I have once again been trying to think of an escape plan that I'd like to follow through with rather soonish. And my mother wanted to take my phone for a week because I didn't pick up when she called, but I didn't even hear it ring, so if she does I would be on my own with out it. I don't want to be home or go home after school anymore, I'd much rather stay after. (In fact I had made plans to stay after school today to work on essays and what not, but due to the weather we were sent home at the end of third period, and I was quite upset by this/:) Gosh, who would have thought I'd ever say I'd rather stay after school than go home?!
I hope things will look up. But it's like my mom only cares about herself and what she wants and how she wants things and never considers how I feel or my opinion or what I like best. Yet she cares enough only to call the cops when I've been away for only and hour because of when I take action and some control from her:P 
Don't think me rude for lashing out and such, it's just how I feel. 
I hate how she's the one that controls most of my life, even though in my opinion she's not really in place to, despite the fact that she gave birth to me, (even though at times I believe I've been adopted) she's not very intelligent or wise and can hardly run her own life right, so what makes her think she can run mine any better? 
I need to obtain my own control of things, before I crack under pressure, which I presume would be a dreadful day/: I've been organizing and writing and thinking, thinking, thinking so much I just want it all to go away or me leave it all...
But crazy as it sounds I'm actually beginning to value school, not as much the actual work as some of the people I get to see there, but I've actually been doing my homework and putting effort into things haha(: I still have much work to do though.. I should finish those two essays that are due tomorrow! :S 
Wish me the best of luck <3


Arrivederci per ora
-Smile on-

Says who?

"If you always do what interests you, at least one person is pleased." -Katharine Hepburn


Right now... life is pretty normal to me. Some really good things happening, some really bad things happening, I shan't get into further detail for my own privacy.. It's kind of a mix of feelings and emotions which in turn cause me to act a tad odd, but if being weird is being different, I can't complain about it(: 
I am really tired out from school and school work, but it must be done. Soooooo muchh exhausting work, my brain is acting kind of incoherent right now. Time for coffee? I believe so(: 


Byebye for now, friends(:

Butterflies(:

For a while I thought that all the butterflies forgot about me and left me forever, but that's not the story anymore(: Nope, they've come back and flutter in my stomach because of a certain someone(: Who? Well, that's still going to be kept kind of secretive for now(:


For Literature class at school I've been working, working, working on a persuasive essay against animal cruelty and slaughter houses, which is quite an intriguing subject to me. I really do hope to get a good grade due to the extreme effort and endless hours I'm putting into it. Who knows, maybe I could send my essay to big-shot fast food chains like McDonald's and KFC to try to convince them to stop the use of slaughterhouses and switch to a less cruel method of killing animals that costs nothing to them to change to.


Anywhoo, everyone in the house is yelling/: So I'm going to run off and play my guitar.


Until next time,
Au revoir, les amis(:

Musing about my dreams

I've been dreaming, dreaming, dreaming a lot lately. Strange yet lovely dreams that have little to no meaning as far as I know. But the people and things in my dreams stay in my head for me to think about and daydream about when I'm awake. I'm not crazy, that's just the way you make me be(:


When life gives you lemons, don't ask, "why the fuck did life give me lemmons?" ask, "Now... what the fuck can I do with these lemmons?"(X


"She is beautiful. She's smart. She's silly. She's independent. She's a great artist. And i wrote a song for her yesterday." 


Who, me?(:


Spending time with great people simply make my life great(: 
"We can get drunk off of love and friendship(:" -Ry

Of scrambled thoughts...

Every single day I'm another day older. I can estimate I've been alive for nearly 5,840 days, make me seem kinda old, huh?
It seems like it be reason to say, the longer life you are in, the more problems you'll get in. I had simpler problems in my younger days.


It's hard to have a friend, one that's true, one that doesn't deceive you.


Haha, how foolish I sound. I've got many years ahead of me to worry(:


I think it's time I learned to care less and did what makes me truly happy even if other people judge. That's what I hear, right? Do what make you happiest? And not worry about what others think?(: I want to wear any crazy thing I like to school and ignore any rude remarks, I want to be able to say everything on my mind and not worry of any consequences of being open and telling the truth, I want to love everyone and not be hated for it.


Hey! I'm a nice person(:

The Band "Of Me"?

So many things and little happenings, good and bad, it's hard to keep track of it all.. 


As for the bad things that bother me- music makes it better(: 
I met a kid in my photography class, who asked to take my picture, then sent me a Facebook friend request, and we texted for hours, which is kind of strange being that we just met, but he was an easy person to talk to I guess, because I'm not much of a sociable person.. 


We somehow started talking about music and what not, and he listened to some of my works and said "That sounds awesome and your music is great. Don't ever doubt yourself okay?" and "Virginia, your music's great. If it makes you happy then continue doing it." 


I told him that numerous times I was asked to join peoples' bands, but it somehow hasn't ever worked out/: I said I might just become the band "Of Me" and that's exactly what I'd call it because it would just be me. He said it was a pretty good idea(: 


I should be get more song writing done if I want to get anywhere(: ..I also need a capo, being that I think someone stole mine/: 


Song writing isn't as easy as it used to be for me. Words used to flow to me almost immediately, now I'm not even sure what to write about and I always second guess myself thinking that the words sound like rubbish poppycock. But what does does it matter as long as one person enjoys it? And that person is me(: 


Yep, it's just me(:


Au revoir, les amis(:

We rolled down hills that night

We started out yelling, there was ignoring and by the end of the day we were having an earnest conversation.
Conclusion? I'm no good at holding grudges. But I actually yelled, madly, which is actually kinda rare for me. 
Its a fact that sometimes people that I've never met ask me, "do you ever talk?"
True story. 
But yes, I'm usually rather shy around people I don't know, but I talk(:


I'm quite worn out from an awesome weekend, beside the little fighting I mentioned.. 


Last night was great too(: Ryan, Morgan, Veronica and myself went to see The Last Exorcist, which was quite scary. Well, at first it was pretty boring, but it all built up to a scary ending:D Yet I was upset it didn't show the pastor burning up in the fire like I hoped it would because the camera man ran away and had his head sliced off/: Oh well(:
After that we went to the diner, a usual place for us to go and chat, and I had the giggles- bad(X I could NOT stop laughing at really stupid stuff heehee(: But there's nothing wrong with laughter, it's life's medicine:D 


We went to a couple different places and ended up having a joyous time rolling down a hill(: It was nice, even though when we looked to the sky no stars were able to be seen/: We'll have to go to that hill again sometime soon(:


It was another really great night(: 


I am scheduled to have more adventures this week, so I'll be sure to be posting(:
Au revoir, amis(:

Amazing Freaking Friday Adventure(:

I had... AN ADVENTURE! 

It starts when after quite an exceptionally good day at school, I decided to walk home instead of take the bus because it's more time consuming and i like to do things differently(: On my way people beeped and waved and shouted my name while passing by in their cars haha(: I was almost home when I saw my neighbor, Sarah, so I crossed the street to see what she is up to.

She told me she was going to the firehouse to get some cigs from another middle schooler, and since I didn't have anything better to do, I went with and tagged along.

We checked out an abandoned house along the way that she is soon supposed be moving into, because who doesn't like abandoned houses?(X So eventually we see my neighbors friend (who turns out is a 13 year old slut) and I decided to hang out with them for a bit in the friends back yard which happens to be by the firehouse near where another friend of mine lives. I was getting bored so i told that friend, Shane, to come find me.

I also stole.. I mean FOUND a sign which I put in my back pack which was conveniently still with me at the time(X

Sarah said she wanted to go home for something, I cant remember what, so I went with and left the lil girl and shane, saying we'd come backk..

We found a fat orange cat along the way that Sarah tried to pick up to take home, but it ran away and we made loud awkward meowing sounds the rest of the walk home.

I was home for only about half an hour and even though it was looking gloomy outside, I got bored in the house and started to venture out again and once again ran into Sarah, who said she was on her way to weis. I still had nothing to do so I walked along with, but some other aaannoyying middle schoolers came along, so I just wanted to go away because I don't really like kids. 

Oh, and just then I got into a lil trouble with the police..

A cop PULLED OVER TO ME and Sarah as we were walking because we ran across the street while it said "dont walk" The officer just said don't do it again and I was quickly on my way again, grinning like an idiot.

When two fellows walked out of the coffee shop that I passed and began to follow me, I first didn't pay any mind to them, but when I hear my name being shouted, I turn around to get a better view...

It was Dylan and Nick who saw me and made up their minds to follow me:D

So glad to see them, they follow me, or moreso the lil kids thinking I was following them, but when I missed the street to Shanes house, I told them where I was going and they decide to show me the way, but all we did was hang around mount joy for a while, they are some of the queerest funny people ever(X Interesting, inspiring and amusing stories and views were told  and when shane had to go, dylan drove us to sonics and I heard more stories and opinions and I shared my own and they said something about sex on a broken toilet seat, then drove me home. 

Dylan almost went the wrong way.. not a good driver as he says:D

I told them to stalk me again sometime cuz it was a good day, hugs, smiling, and I enter the house thinking my day of fun ended.

But of course that wasn't the end of the adventure just yet...

I was home on the computer when I get a call from my lovely wife, Morgan, who tells me to go to mojo and to be there at 10:30. We all get there- all meaning Morgan, her brother,(Ryan) my two sisters,(Veronica and Victoria) Victorias friend,(Kat-lyn) Sarah, Alicia, another guy named Dylan and myself, but Victoria, Kat and Sarah left early and left the rest of us there. Which was okay because it was fun, just talking and joking and what not:D 

Us girls went to the bathroom and this guy we passed was trying to talk to us, it was weirdd.. "Hey ladies" or something... 

We hung out in the parking lot for a while, then later someone said to go to a grocery store.. 

Ryan said, "You know you live in a boring town when going to a groccery store with your friends sounds fun." SO TRUE(X 

So we went to giant in search of some fun, skipped up and down the aisles, and Morgan got stuck in one of those lil kid carts(X Loads of fun!!(: To bad we had to be home by two;D By then I was all worn out from a long day, and passed out asleep VERY quickly(:

That's the whole gist of my amazing crazy adventure:D

Wouldn't it be great if I was a great writer?

Some things I care about not enough, and other things way to much. Wouldn't it be great if I didn't have to worry? About dangers and other peoples opinions?

I've heard to have lessons learned rather than regrets from mistakes. I guess I'm learning a lot then.

Aside from that...

SUNDAY WAS PRETTY FREAKING AWESOME, AND MONDAY WAS TOO:D
I don't think I have to get into further detail about that, nor can I, really(:

Labor day around five o'clock, I was in the car, on my way to my grandparents house and my mind was deep in thought on things like crazy nights, what a really good life would be like, and friends(: I am such a dreamer, that's what I always ever do.

I had a more eventful day after a seemingly regular thursday school day, when I had made up my mind that I'd rather walk home than ride the bus. I had no idea that I'd end up getting a ride home with a friend that graduated and I hadn't seen in a while, a pleasant surprise and highlight of my day(: It's interesting to me to find that the day I choose not to ride the bus that I encounter him- fate?(X haha(:

Another thing I did today was a little job hunting, but most of the places I was yet to young for/: Fingers crossed that I'll get one soon though! I'll have the advantage of a single digit higher age in October, oh sweet sixteen!

Hahh, someone asked me why I wanted a job so badly?? My reply:

Why?? So I can have money, first off; so I can actually get nicer clothes and things; so I can actually get out and do more; so I can start saving for a car (or scooter :D); so I  can buy my own groceries (and go vegan like I want); So I can get away from this shithole... the list goes on and on of course..
I just want to only have to rely on myself... I hate having to go by other people's rules and am limited on pretty much everything that it frustrated me so.

I guess that's it for now(;
Until next time, adieu,
and smile on(:

What to want?

Babysitting... I don't even like kids. No, I  really dislike kids. This one in particular is really annoying. Definitely not what I wanted to do over the weekend/: But maybe it wont matter, nothing will matter once I get to "hang out" with friends sunday makes up for it(: I really can't wait for that:D

Some things that I am really wanting are:

• either my septum or lip pierced, (or both) 
• I want to get a tattoo or a few, 
• a job for money, so then I could save and spend,
• expand my wardrobe with better clothes,
• some unique hobbies,
• an iPod with all the good music and songs,
• a better guitar, 
• a professional camera, 
• another instrument to play, 
• to have fun and 
• get drunk on the weekends,
• for lots of people to know and love me,
• more art,
• less writer's blocks, 
• a place of my own,
• for my mom to leave me alone...

...Just to name a few:P
Will and when I ever get these things? Well, my birthday's coming up in October(;

Au revoir, les amis(:

A typical conversation to myself:

Well, I didn't make any other plans with people because I do not feel comfortable asking for things I truly want, if I know it's what I really want (Ya know, being the undeceive lass that I am.) 

So what will I think to do? I know, I'll do something I really like and enjoy. 

Wait, I'll go google quizzes on the internet to see what a good hobby would be for me... Wow, they know me pretty well, but aren't much help. 

I'll print out some of the things they described me as just in case I want to remember. Reading these give me a little inspiration, just a little..

...Hold on, this rap shit my sisters are playing are killing my brain cells:P I can not think with "music" like this playing/: It kind of makes me mad just listening to it... Stay calm...
Anywhoo, (while trying to hold broken headphones on my head because my bitch sister turned up the volume of that crap)
That little disruption really threw off my thoughts...

Sometimes the thing I just need to blast music into my head so I can block out the rest of the world. Good music. I really need an iPod, so I can carry all the songs that I love and put me in a right mood(:

You should see some of the things these quizzes are telling me haha, I love how it's just so me(: I'll dub a few of the descriptive words that were given to me: creative, express, dreamer, bright... on the down side there's also phrases like, "battle with yourself" and "bored easily" and also something about not wanting to jump into things headfirst...

Ahh, maybe I'm just rambling...
to myself(X


Another random unimportant thing that I'm doing is repeating the same song over and over... I like it though, the lyrics are just great(:

Okay, I can continue this conversation with myself off of this blog, and NEXT time I wont waste time talking/typing about random unimportant things:P

Adieu! 

What's it going to be then, eh?

Things start, things end.
I'm already sick of school, it's quite true.
Maybe I haven't changed much like I thought.
Third day at school and I've realized I'm still quite quiet and shy around the people I hardly know, which has been and still is something about myself that I'd more than like to change/:
Damn.. What can I do to change things about myself? What's the cure? "What's it going to be then, eh?"
Really? No clue..
Maybe it's time(: Ahh, yes wonderful never ceasing time. I've learned many things about time itself, and what it does and doesn't do, yet I probably waste time just thinking and talking about it. Time itself doesn't change, and that much I know is true.
Another thing I just now realized is that I'm stressed. Now, if I don't find something calming and...
Hold on... Just got a bit of a confidence boost from a friend I'm talking to via facebook, who said (and I quote) "but I like you just the way you are!!!!!"
Awesome(:
..Where was I at?(:
Oh yeah, I was about to say that I'd like to find an interesting hobby because I need something I like after school and when I'm bored opposed to hardly anything at all...
Now what shall that be???
The hunt and pondering will go on to eventually and hopefully decide what that might be.
I fear that even though there is much on my mind right now that I have to go/: But surely I will continue my thoughts next time,

Arrivederci per ora(:

Call me Texas?

To conclude, it was a very hot, boring, long day at school/:
My classes are alright, the only one at this point that I actually have real friends in being 2nd period history, but even that class (like the rest of them) was immensely boring. But that's just the impression I got, maybe it'll get better(:

Let's see, what else... I've got plenty of papers that need signing, 3 heavy textbooks to lug around and already a paragraph to write for homework. Woww, I was so not ready for summer to end):

I kinda missed some of the people, and they haven't changed a bit since I saw them last(: Some people I can honestly say have improved, and some still need to:P I also miss some of the awesome people who recently graduated, I kinda miss them a lot./:

Amongst other things I still need and want to get is a job. Still on the lookout for opportunities! I also need more to actually do after school instead of nothing like most of my previous years.
"Dude, get a life" ...I have one, I'm just not sure what to do with it:P
I just need more hobbies so I'm not so boring;D

Hopefully tomorrow is a better day.
Au revoir, amis(:

Summer shouldn't end so soon/:

It turns out it was a big misunderstanding:P
I was told by an apparent unreliable source that two of my friends had together decided to end our friendship, and ouch- that hurt. The little details aren't very important but shortly after the one friend texted me and told me that what I heard was a lie/: It's very hard to know what and who to believe.

So it turns out my schedule for school has been misplaced, which in turn means I should be prepared to be unprepared on the first day... Yeahh... Oh well, it's just school, I don't care much for it(:

Today I did a little school shopping, concluded my mom is a stingy spender and I really need to get a job:P I can not wait for the day that I get a place of my own. Ohh, a place of my own(:

My song Hello, Mr. Fly was recently finished and posted to facebook(: I'm not to fond of my voice but I'm quite proud of the lyrics that I wrote... The end of the song tells of what true friends are, and it just gets me thinking of my own friends, and the people who are, aren't, and the ones that claim to be...
And the memories.
I don't feel like feeling, emotions make me queasy.

I should go clean my messy cubicle sized room now.

Byebye for now(:

Only four in the morning...

Yesterday was just another boring day in which I woke up late, panicked about school, did some chores and cleaned up the house and was getting frustrated with the others that dwell in this house. The mother was invading my space and telling me I MIGHT get to go school shopping= it was pissing me off and I was trying to get away, so I just walked out of the house- forgot my shoes- to get away and chill out before I started yelling and swearing at her. Not very much fun at all. 


Later my sister convinced me to go to the diner with her around 11 at night. We saw some people we knew there, some weird, some nice, some not so nice, some I missed and hardly saw all summer... It's a shame that in school some friends and I say we will definitely hang out over the summer but I never see them until the next school year/: Which is pretty alright with me since summer went pretty well as it is(: 


Sometime around after midnight I was just hanging out, practicing my guitar and sitting on the couch when an unexpected, but friendly friend stopped by(: So we just chatted for a while, and I think she is one of the best story-tellers around who always has so much to say(: She is two or three grades lower than me, being in the middle school right now as I am in high school, but she's a rather good friend of mine(: 


And who knew recording your own little song took so much time?! I've been recording, listening, rerecording and editing and it has been very time consuming. I guess that's a good thing because I don't have much else anything important to do. I should get back to that, I want to finish Hello, Mr. Fly before summer ends(:


Auf Wiederhören(:

Just Relax

So it is a monday night or a tuesday morning which means there is only a week untill summer is out and school is in. I am at my wifes house, we're both on the couch in the basement watching Taken and Zombieland and I am just so confortable here that I'm not all stressed and worried at the moment like I've been lately(: We don't even have to do anything very exciting, just being in good company is really nice to me(:

On another subject, while texting a couple friends and reading some of the stupid cute things they say I realized I make faces and scrunch my nose with a little twisted smile when I get that silly happy feeling(: I wonder if other people noticed that too?

Adiós por ahora(:

I was trying to be nice

Some people, and particular individuals just get to me.. No, I'm being nice there, they fucking piss me off! If I knew what the hell to do about it, I would take control of the situation and the drivel poppycock would finally stop. But if I stand up it could get worse, is what I fear/:

So the reason of me being bothered today is that I was only recently told these exact words by someone:
"Just to let know, you're going to burn in hell and satan's going to stick his cock in your mouth and you're going to suck it!"
Uhm, ouch:P
Yeah, I know I should be above the nonsensical twaddle this person speaks, but it just really upset me. And I was all ready to go on a rant, but I calmed down to fast/: I don't like the thing about me when I'm trying to be mad, I sometimes lose that fire so quickly.
So I did what I usually do when I don't know what to do- nothing.
Yep. No fists, no rude remark even, just sat there.
What keeps me going is that I know things will change in time. I don't quite know what and when, but they will(:

Tot ziens voor nu(:

I don't know what today is...

That's what I thought when I woke up around two in the afternoon. I am aware of the date, and it's about a week before school starts. I just wasn't sure what kind of day it was supposed to be. I go to sleep and wake up at weird hours and everything just seems odd.

And my night was going pretty well.. Until it wasn't.

Just some people, and the things they do.. aren't so great/: I can not change them, nor can I tell them to change. People say they want you to be honest with them, but the truth is when they hear something they don't like, they get all offended. If you can't change your friends, change what friends you have, I guess(: Like my lovely wife says, "If someone's causing me more grief than happiness, they're out." And I agree with her, but that means there's some work I've got to do.

But one good thing that came out of this night was the song that I wrote(: I think I did a good job, and I plan to make a little music video and upload it to facebook as soon as I can(:

Arrivederci per ora(:
-smile on-

The Reasoning?

So anywhodle, one reason I had this blog made was to have a sort of creative writing outlet. Also to be able to kind of vent and get things out and down in writing whether it's for anyone or even just myself to read. But in truth, I unfortunately cannot tell of everything that I would like to be able to share because simply- some things must be kept exclusive. Don't get the wrong impression- despite some of the things I do and occasional trouble I get myself into, I am a pretty good person(:

So it has been another sleepless night, and as I have told some people, I have sort of become nocturnal.

My amazing (facebook official) wife, Morgan, is sleeping over at mi casa(=  We (Morgan, her brother, my sister and I) went to the diner for a while, technically yesterday. These days are just getting so mixed up, I can never be sure of which day it is anymore. I can't speak for everyone, but I had a good time(: I enjoy doing whatever with them people(:

Of course I am keeping out many details, time is winding down again, but I'll be on later. Adieu, chou, and bye for now(:

Here's The Beginning

I've got to start off somewhere, right? The end of summer is coming nigh, the start of my sophomore year coming close. To close, in my opinion. Summer was just starting to get so wonderfully amazingly great(: But there's no reason that just because summer ends that the fun has to as well. I'm looking forward to more good times and crazy nights in the near future(: But in the present, I'm really stressing about school and the things I need and don't yet have. Time and money seem to be the biggest problems at the moment, there's just never enough of it. Johnny Carson once said, "The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money." and I agree for the most part.

So hopefully I'll have more interesting things to write about next time, but as for now time is winding down, so I must bid my goodnight and adieu, but not for long(:
-smile on-