Sunday, October 3, 2010

I am going to make it through this year if it kills me

I feel like there's a larger problem that's bothering me that I'm not completely aware of. Like something I can't see because it lurks in the shadows in the back of my mind. I'm not completely aware, but it's there. 
Maybe it's that I lack something I yearn for- control that has beed ripped from my grasp. Control over things both minor and large that subcategorize under my control over life in general. I feel like most of the control I need and want has been taken over by other people, like my mother for instance, and being the independent person that I am, not having it is very frustrating for me. 

Relating to control, one of the main reasons I really became a vegetarian was for control- over what I eat, or don't eat. Yet I can't completely be in charge of that being that I can't buy the groceries because I don't yet have a job. But I'm looking, and trying, there's no doubt of that. When I do, maybe then I can even go vegan, for further control, and stuff(: 

Right now I really miss my friends and people at school. /: I wish things would simply work out better and work out right. I'm much happier around and with good friends compared to being at home. 
So much shit here that I want to escape from. Many things still going on left unsaid. Much to deal with. I'll try to deal with it, I'll try to be strong(: I'll try to keep doing what makes me happiest(: I'll make it to "My Own World" someday, someday...

AdiĆ³s para ahora, amigos(: 

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