Thursday, September 30, 2010

What I've left unsaid...

The other night I was texting/ venting a friend. I hardly ever talk about things that bother me deeply, but it really helps organize things and put them in perspective. So, here goes..

I have once again been trying to think of an escape plan that I'd like to follow through with rather soonish. And my mother wanted to take my phone for a week because I didn't pick up when she called, but I didn't even hear it ring, so if she does I would be on my own with out it. I don't want to be home or go home after school anymore, I'd much rather stay after. (In fact I had made plans to stay after school today to work on essays and what not, but due to the weather we were sent home at the end of third period, and I was quite upset by this/:) Gosh, who would have thought I'd ever say I'd rather stay after school than go home?!
I hope things will look up. But it's like my mom only cares about herself and what she wants and how she wants things and never considers how I feel or my opinion or what I like best. Yet she cares enough only to call the cops when I've been away for only and hour because of when I take action and some control from her:P 
Don't think me rude for lashing out and such, it's just how I feel. 
I hate how she's the one that controls most of my life, even though in my opinion she's not really in place to, despite the fact that she gave birth to me, (even though at times I believe I've been adopted) she's not very intelligent or wise and can hardly run her own life right, so what makes her think she can run mine any better? 
I need to obtain my own control of things, before I crack under pressure, which I presume would be a dreadful day/: I've been organizing and writing and thinking, thinking, thinking so much I just want it all to go away or me leave it all...
But crazy as it sounds I'm actually beginning to value school, not as much the actual work as some of the people I get to see there, but I've actually been doing my homework and putting effort into things haha(: I still have much work to do though.. I should finish those two essays that are due tomorrow! :S 
Wish me the best of luck <3

Arrivederci per ora
-Smile on-

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Says who?

"If you always do what interests you, at least one person is pleased." -Katharine Hepburn

Right now... life is pretty normal to me. Some really good things happening, some really bad things happening, I shan't get into further detail for my own privacy.. It's kind of a mix of feelings and emotions which in turn cause me to act a tad odd, but if being weird is being different, I can't complain about it(: 
I am really tired out from school and school work, but it must be done. Soooooo muchh exhausting work, my brain is acting kind of incoherent right now. Time for coffee? I believe so(: 

Byebye for now, friends(:

Tuesday, September 28, 2010


For a while I thought that all the butterflies forgot about me and left me forever, but that's not the story anymore(: Nope, they've come back and flutter in my stomach because of a certain someone(: Who? Well, that's still going to be kept kind of secretive for now(:

For Literature class at school I've been working, working, working on a persuasive essay against animal cruelty and slaughter houses, which is quite an intriguing subject to me. I really do hope to get a good grade due to the extreme effort and endless hours I'm putting into it. Who knows, maybe I could send my essay to big-shot fast food chains like McDonald's and KFC to try to convince them to stop the use of slaughterhouses and switch to a less cruel method of killing animals that costs nothing to them to change to.

Anywhoo, everyone in the house is yelling/: So I'm going to run off and play my guitar.

Until next time,
Au revoir, les amis(:

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Musing about my dreams

I've been dreaming, dreaming, dreaming a lot lately. Strange yet lovely dreams that have little to no meaning as far as I know. But the people and things in my dreams stay in my head for me to think about and daydream about when I'm awake. I'm not crazy, that's just the way you make me be(:

When life gives you lemons, don't ask, "why the fuck did life give me lemmons?" ask, "Now... what the fuck can I do with these lemmons?"(X

"She is beautiful. She's smart. She's silly. She's independent. She's a great artist. And i wrote a song for her yesterday." 

Who, me?(:

Spending time with great people simply make my life great(: 
"We can get drunk off of love and friendship(:" -Ry

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Of scrambled thoughts...

Every single day I'm another day older. I can estimate I've been alive for nearly 5,840 days, make me seem kinda old, huh?
It seems like it be reason to say, the longer life you are in, the more problems you'll get in. I had simpler problems in my younger days.

It's hard to have a friend, one that's true, one that doesn't deceive you.

Haha, how foolish I sound. I've got many years ahead of me to worry(:

I think it's time I learned to care less and did what makes me truly happy even if other people judge. That's what I hear, right? Do what make you happiest? And not worry about what others think?(: I want to wear any crazy thing I like to school and ignore any rude remarks, I want to be able to say everything on my mind and not worry of any consequences of being open and telling the truth, I want to love everyone and not be hated for it.

Hey! I'm a nice person(:

Saturday, September 18, 2010

The Band "Of Me"?

So many things and little happenings, good and bad, it's hard to keep track of it all.. 

As for the bad things that bother me- music makes it better(: 
I met a kid in my photography class, who asked to take my picture, then sent me a Facebook friend request, and we texted for hours, which is kind of strange being that we just met, but he was an easy person to talk to I guess, because I'm not much of a sociable person.. 

We somehow started talking about music and what not, and he listened to some of my works and said "That sounds awesome and your music is great. Don't ever doubt yourself okay?" and "Virginia, your music's great. If it makes you happy then continue doing it." 

I told him that numerous times I was asked to join peoples' bands, but it somehow hasn't ever worked out/: I said I might just become the band "Of Me" and that's exactly what I'd call it because it would just be me. He said it was a pretty good idea(: 

I should be get more song writing done if I want to get anywhere(: ..I also need a capo, being that I think someone stole mine/: 

Song writing isn't as easy as it used to be for me. Words used to flow to me almost immediately, now I'm not even sure what to write about and I always second guess myself thinking that the words sound like rubbish poppycock. But what does does it matter as long as one person enjoys it? And that person is me(: 

Yep, it's just me(:

Au revoir, les amis(:

Sunday, September 12, 2010

We rolled down hills that night

We started out yelling, there was ignoring and by the end of the day we were having an earnest conversation.
Conclusion? I'm no good at holding grudges. But I actually yelled, madly, which is actually kinda rare for me. 
Its a fact that sometimes people that I've never met ask me, "do you ever talk?"
True story. 
But yes, I'm usually rather shy around people I don't know, but I talk(:

I'm quite worn out from an awesome weekend, beside the little fighting I mentioned.. 

Last night was great too(: Ryan, Morgan, Veronica and myself went to see The Last Exorcist, which was quite scary. Well, at first it was pretty boring, but it all built up to a scary ending:D Yet I was upset it didn't show the pastor burning up in the fire like I hoped it would because the camera man ran away and had his head sliced off/: Oh well(:
After that we went to the diner, a usual place for us to go and chat, and I had the giggles- bad(X I could NOT stop laughing at really stupid stuff heehee(: But there's nothing wrong with laughter, it's life's medicine:D 

We went to a couple different places and ended up having a joyous time rolling down a hill(: It was nice, even though when we looked to the sky no stars were able to be seen/: We'll have to go to that hill again sometime soon(:

It was another really great night(: 

I am scheduled to have more adventures this week, so I'll be sure to be posting(:
Au revoir, amis(:

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Amazing Freaking Friday Adventure(:


It starts when after quite an exceptionally good day at school, I decided to walk home instead of take the bus because it's more time consuming and i like to do things differently(: On my way people beeped and waved and shouted my name while passing by in their cars haha(: I was almost home when I saw my neighbor, Sarah, so I crossed the street to see what she is up to.
She told me she was going to the firehouse to get some cigs from another middle schooler, and since I didn't have anything better to do, I went with and tagged along.
We checked out an abandoned house along the way that she is soon supposed be moving into, because who doesn't like abandoned houses?(X So eventually we see my neighbors friend (who turns out is a 13 year old slut) and I decided to hang out with them for a bit in the friends back yard which happens to be by the firehouse near where another friend of mine lives. I was getting bored so i told that friend, Shane, to come find me.
I also stole.. I mean FOUND a sign which I put in my back pack which was conveniently still with me at the time(X
Sarah said she wanted to go home for something, I cant remember what, so I went with and left the lil girl and shane, saying we'd come backk..
We found a fat orange cat along the way that Sarah tried to pick up to take home, but it ran away and we made loud awkward meowing sounds the rest of the walk home.
I was home for only about half an hour and even though it was looking gloomy outside, I got bored in the house and started to venture out again and once again ran into Sarah, who said she was on her way to weis. I still had nothing to do so I walked along with, but some other aaannoyying middle schoolers came along, so I just wanted to go away because I don't really like kids. 
Oh, and just then I got into a lil trouble with the police..
A cop PULLED OVER TO ME and Sarah as we were walking because we ran across the street while it said "dont walk" The officer just said don't do it again and I was quickly on my way again, grinning like an idiot.
When two fellows walked out of the coffee shop that I passed and began to follow me, I first didn't pay any mind to them, but when I hear my name being shouted, I turn around to get a better view...
It was Dylan and Nick who saw me and made up their minds to follow me:D
So glad to see them, they follow me, or moreso the lil kids thinking I was following them, but when I missed the street to Shanes house, I told them where I was going and they decide to show me the way, but all we did was hang around mount joy for a while, they are some of the queerest funny people ever(X Interesting, inspiring and amusing stories and views were told  and when shane had to go, dylan drove us to sonics and I heard more stories and opinions and I shared my own and they said something about sex on a broken toilet seat, then drove me home. 
Dylan almost went the wrong way.. not a good driver as he says:D
I told them to stalk me again sometime cuz it was a good day, hugs, smiling, and I enter the house thinking my day of fun ended.

But of course that wasn't the end of the adventure just yet...
I was home on the computer when I get a call from my lovely wife, Morgan, who tells me to go to mojo and to be there at 10:30. We all get there- all meaning Morgan, her brother,(Ryan) my two sisters,(Veronica and Victoria) Victorias friend,(Kat-lyn) Sarah, Alicia, another guy named Dylan and myself, but Victoria, Kat and Sarah left early and left the rest of us there. Which was okay because it was fun, just talking and joking and what not:D 
Us girls went to the bathroom and this guy we passed was trying to talk to us, it was weirdd.. "Hey ladies" or something... 
We hung out in the parking lot for a while, then later someone said to go to a grocery store.. 
Ryan said, "You know you live in a boring town when going to a groccery store with your friends sounds fun." SO TRUE(X 
So we went to giant in search of some fun, skipped up and down the aisles, and Morgan got stuck in one of those lil kid carts(X Loads of fun!!(: To bad we had to be home by two;D By then I was all worn out from a long day, and passed out asleep VERY quickly(:

That's the whole gist of my amazing crazy adventure:D

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Wouldn't it be great if I was a great writer?

Some things I care about not enough, and other things way to much. Wouldn't it be great if I didn't have to worry? About dangers and other peoples opinions?

I've heard to have lessons learned rather than regrets from mistakes. I guess I'm learning a lot then.

Aside from that...

I don't think I have to get into further detail about that, nor can I, really(:

Labor day around five o'clock, I was in the car, on my way to my grandparents house and my mind was deep in thought on things like crazy nights, what a really good life would be like, and friends(: I am such a dreamer, that's what I always ever do.

I had a more eventful day after a seemingly regular thursday school day, when I had made up my mind that I'd rather walk home than ride the bus. I had no idea that I'd end up getting a ride home with a friend that graduated and I hadn't seen in a while, a pleasant surprise and highlight of my day(: It's interesting to me to find that the day I choose not to ride the bus that I encounter him- fate?(X haha(:

Another thing I did today was a little job hunting, but most of the places I was yet to young for/: Fingers crossed that I'll get one soon though! I'll have the advantage of a single digit higher age in October, oh sweet sixteen!

Hahh, someone asked me why I wanted a job so badly?? My reply:

Why?? So I can have money, first off; so I can actually get nicer clothes and things; so I can actually get out and do more; so I can start saving for a car (or scooter :D); so I  can buy my own groceries (and go vegan like I want); So I can get away from this shithole... the list goes on and on of course..
I just want to only have to rely on myself... I hate having to go by other people's rules and am limited on pretty much everything that it frustrated me so.

I guess that's it for now(;
Until next time, adieu,
and smile on(:

Saturday, September 4, 2010

What to want?

Babysitting... I don't even like kids. No, I  really dislike kids. This one in particular is really annoying. Definitely not what I wanted to do over the weekend/: But maybe it wont matter, nothing will matter once I get to "hang out" with friends sunday makes up for it(: I really can't wait for that:D

Some things that I am really wanting are:

  • either my septum or lip pierced, (or both) 
  • I want to get a tattoo or a few, 
  • a job for money, so then I could save and spend,
  • expand my wardrobe with better clothes,
  • some unique hobbies,
  • an iPod with all the good music and songs,
  • a better guitar, 
  • a professional camera, 
  • another instrument to play, 
  • to have fun and 
  • get drunk on the weekends,
  • for lots of people to know and love me,
  • more art,
  • less writer's blocks, 
  • a place of my own,
  • for my mom to leave me alone...

...Just to name a few:P
Will and when I ever get these things? Well, my birthday's coming up in October(;

Au revoir, les amis(:

Thursday, September 2, 2010

A typical conversation to myself:

Well, I didn't make any other plans with people because I do not feel comfortable asking for things I truly want, if I know it's what I really want (Ya know, being the undeceive lass that I am.) 
So what will I think to do? I know, I'll do something I really like and enjoy. 
Wait, I'll go google quizzes on the internet to see what a good hobby would be for me... Wow, they know me pretty well, but aren't much help. 
I'll print out some of the things they described me as just in case I want to remember. Reading these give me a little inspiration, just a little..
...Hold on, this rap shit my sisters are playing are killing my brain cells:P I can not think with "music" like this playing/: It kind of makes me mad just listening to it... Stay calm...
Anywhoo, (while trying to hold broken headphones on my head because my bitch sister turned up the volume of that crap)
That little disruption really threw off my thoughts...

Sometimes the thing I just need to blast music into my head so I can block out the rest of the world. Good music. I really need an iPod, so I can carry all the songs that I love and put me in a right mood(:

You should see some of the things these quizzes are telling me haha, I love how it's just so me(: I'll dub a few of the descriptive words that were given to me: creative, express, dreamer, bright... on the down side there's also phrases like, "battle with yourself" and "bored easily" and also something about not wanting to jump into things headfirst...

Ahh, maybe I'm just rambling...
to myself(X

Another random unimportant thing that I'm doing is repeating the same song over and over... I like it though, the lyrics are just great(:

Okay, I can continue this conversation with myself off of this blog, and NEXT time I wont waste time talking/typing about random unimportant things:P


Wednesday, September 1, 2010

What's it going to be then, eh?

Things start, things end.
I'm already sick of school, it's quite true.
Maybe I haven't changed much like I thought.
Third day at school and I've realized I'm still quite quiet and shy around the people I hardly know, which has been and still is something about myself that I'd more than like to change/:
Damn.. What can I do to change things about myself? What's the cure? "What's it going to be then, eh?"
Really? No clue..
Maybe it's time(: Ahh, yes wonderful never ceasing time. I've learned many things about time itself, and what it does and doesn't do, yet I probably waste time just thinking and talking about it. Time itself doesn't change, and that much I know is true.
Another thing I just now realized is that I'm stressed. Now, if I don't find something calming and...
Hold on... Just got a bit of a confidence boost from a friend I'm talking to via facebook, who said (and I quote) "but I like you just the way you are!!!!!"
..Where was I at?(:
Oh yeah, I was about to say that I'd like to find an interesting hobby because I need something I like after school and when I'm bored opposed to hardly anything at all...
Now what shall that be???
The hunt and pondering will go on to eventually and hopefully decide what that might be.
I fear that even though there is much on my mind right now that I have to go/: But surely I will continue my thoughts next time,

Arrivederci per ora(: