Thursday, September 30, 2010

What I've left unsaid...

The other night I was texting/ venting a friend. I hardly ever talk about things that bother me deeply, but it really helps organize things and put them in perspective. So, here goes..

I have once again been trying to think of an escape plan that I'd like to follow through with rather soonish. And my mother wanted to take my phone for a week because I didn't pick up when she called, but I didn't even hear it ring, so if she does I would be on my own with out it. I don't want to be home or go home after school anymore, I'd much rather stay after. (In fact I had made plans to stay after school today to work on essays and what not, but due to the weather we were sent home at the end of third period, and I was quite upset by this/:) Gosh, who would have thought I'd ever say I'd rather stay after school than go home?!
I hope things will look up. But it's like my mom only cares about herself and what she wants and how she wants things and never considers how I feel or my opinion or what I like best. Yet she cares enough only to call the cops when I've been away for only and hour because of when I take action and some control from her:P 
Don't think me rude for lashing out and such, it's just how I feel. 
I hate how she's the one that controls most of my life, even though in my opinion she's not really in place to, despite the fact that she gave birth to me, (even though at times I believe I've been adopted) she's not very intelligent or wise and can hardly run her own life right, so what makes her think she can run mine any better? 
I need to obtain my own control of things, before I crack under pressure, which I presume would be a dreadful day/: I've been organizing and writing and thinking, thinking, thinking so much I just want it all to go away or me leave it all...
But crazy as it sounds I'm actually beginning to value school, not as much the actual work as some of the people I get to see there, but I've actually been doing my homework and putting effort into things haha(: I still have much work to do though.. I should finish those two essays that are due tomorrow! :S 
Wish me the best of luck <3

Arrivederci per ora
-Smile on-

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