Saturday, October 2, 2010

I'm going to lose it- if I haven't already(:

Hyperventilation: Define it for me.
For over an hour, it really scared myself.
I cant talk to my mum about my problems,
besides the fact that they're 
mostly caused by her,
she wouldn't understand anyways.
Now because I was
breathing quickly, and heavily and trying to try not to cry late last night, 
she thinks I'm crazy.
She said I was just overworked.
She doesn't understand,
she simply doesn't know.
I think the episode I had last night will only makes things worse,
she'll be more strict and secure,
which she doesn't understand was already
part of my problems.
She doesn't take me and
my personal opinions ever into account.
She doesn't trust me. Thought I was going to run away last night.
(but of course I wasn't, I wouldn't leave with lose ends, unprepared, 
and she doesn't ever give me enough credit for being a rather canny person with good knowledge and reasoning for things) 
I'm not sure how to deal with all my own problems, 
or tell others of them 
or ask for help. 
So my best solution is usually trying to ignore and avoid them,
and let time resolve things.
I remember thinking
as I was on those swings last night,
all I wanted
all I want
is to be happy.
So smile on, love on, live on(:

I'll have to constantly remind myself why I say smile on,
I'm going to need that(:

Au revoir, les amis(:

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